My Dad and Linda came up this past weekend and brought me lots of gifts - a cozy blanket from my Nan's living room - it's my favourite one from my Nan's house - I have spent many, many hours napping with this blanket on the couch at Nan's place. Actually, its on my lap right now as I write this. I also got a wee hat for my wee head from my Irish Gran and a magazine and a beautiful chunk scarf from Jean (made by Jean). Dad and Linda gave me a great care package of teas, hand creams, slippers, lip balm, a wrap and dark chocolate.
Uncle Rick and Sharon sent me some great pj's and a MAC lipstick (perfect colour, Sharon) as well as a People magazine about Joan Lunden (I'll get to that later).
I got a great tea package from David's Tea from the Mapping Gang at the City of Ottawa - it was great - loads of tea and tea paraphernalia. I've decided that my favourite tea of all time is a creamy earl grey tea that was included in this package. I've never had it before but it's delicious.
Dom's parents also gave me some green tea and some dark chocolate (yummy).
We also got a few meal deliveries this week - from Lesley, Kersten and Marc as well as Sue. Prescott also dropped off a Costco size bag of dark chocolates.
If there is a zombie apocalypse in the next six months come to my house for a cup of tea and a piece of dark chocolate, I'll have enough for everyone.
So, on Monday last week I had a check up appointment with my naturopathic doctor - Dr. Craig. Dr. Craig was really impressed with how I was doing - most impressed that I still have a bit of my hair (he thought it was a wig poking out of the bottom of my fashion toque). We went over my blood tests (the ones I get done before every chemo appointment) and he did say my white blood cell count was a bit high so I must be fighting off something, maybe a cold - also my magnesium levels are low so he added magnesium as a supplement for me to take. He also told me that I didn't need to take some of the supplements that he originally prescribed because my blood work was so good. We discussed how I was doing with everything - the diet, chemo, fasting. I told him that the worst side effect so far is a bad taste in my mouth - well sort of more like a no taste in my mouth - which makes it hard to eat and drink - even drinking water tastes bad. But really, if that's the only side effect that I am complaining about, its not that bad right? He was impressed that I was doing okay with the fasting - I told him I cheat and eat two soda crackers each day that I fast and that gets me through - he was still impressed.
He also gave me this chart to rate my different side effects from chemo so that we can track it and see how I am doing. We chatted a lot about the lack of nutrition advice that you get at the Cancer Centre and the advice that Dom and I have read/seen so far is not really anything that I would do - before my first visit with Dr. Craig, I looked up some smoothie recipes on the Cancer Centre's website and honestly, I wouldn't drink those smoothies when I am healthy, let alone sick. When we went for our chemo training they didn't really say anything about nutrition other than there's a Tim Horton's in the hospital. We also talked about the acupuncture magic and how awesome it was last week. He said when he sees people like me, he thinks that chemo isn't so bad but then someone comes to him for the first time who is at the end of their chemo treatments and he remembers that chemo is really hard on people's bodies. He also asked me I was also getting Taxol - which is an additional medication to the chemo - and I told him that I didn't think so but that I'd ask the next time I was at the Cancer Centre (I'll get to that later). So overall, it was a very positive appointment and I left feeling good - both mentally and physically.
I woke up on Tuesday feeling pretty tired so I didn't do much - part of this is that bad taste in my mouth - sort of like meh, I don't really want to eat or drink anything. The result is that I was getting dehydrated - don't worry, not crazy bad dehydrated, just not as hydrated as I usually am. I am the type of person that drinks a lot of water everyday - forget the 8 cups, I probably drink twice that easily, maybe even more. Gum made it better so I chewed on some gum and I spent most of the day on the couch watching TV - we just signed up for HBO so hunkered down and watched half of Season 3 of Girls - that show always makes me feel better about myself because the characters are all a hot mess. If you watch Girls, you know what I mean. If you are not a twenty or thirty-something female reading this, don't bother watching Girls, you probably won't like it and think its crazy.
On Tuesday night I had the Look Good, Feel Better program. This is the one where they give you make up tips and hair tips - as well as a whack of free stuff. I ended up being paired up with a volunteer that had ten years of experience with the program and she was awesome (they are all professionals in the field but Sue was probably the best one there from what I could tell). The organizer asked at the beginning of the session if anyone wanted to learn anything specific so I shot my hand up and said that I wanted to learn how to draw on eyebrows (yes, they are continuing to thin out). I was surprised that no one said anything else - actually the group was a bit dull...anyway, I Iearned a lot and Sue was great with applying my makeup - she read me well and I was pleased that at the end of it I looked like Melanie with a nice touch of colour, not Melanie the prostitute. Also, all of the makeup is MAC - score! - eye shadow, blush, foundation, powder, mascara, lip pencil, two lipsticks, eyebrow pencil (score) and much more including creams, makeup remover etc. I still wasn't feeling great but I persevered through to the end. Overall it was good but I did learn one thing, I'm not a fan of hanging out with other cancer patients - I don't mean to offend people with cancer when I say this but its just that cancer doesn't discriminate and just because you have cancer doesn't mean that you have anything else in common with them. Plus, I know that I am extremely lucky that I have such a fantastic group of family, friends and co-workers for support so I don't necessarily need to reach out others folks with cancer for support. And...I like hanging out with people who are healthy, it makes me feel normal and healthy because other than the side effects of chemo, I don't feel sick - mentally or physically.
On Wednesday I went to acupuncture - to be honest, I felt a bit like a drug addict because I was not feeling well Tuesday and still not feeling great Wednesday and I was counting down the hours before my appointment with great anticipation. Tran (my acupuncturist) and I met for a bit and discussed the effects of my previous acupuncture appointment - I told him about my blast of energy that I had, feeling great and getting up early in the morning and sleeping only about 6 hours a night. Tran told me that they have a saying, it goes "take it easy tiger" (I think this is funny because of course, I've heard of that saying) so he said that this treatment would regulate my energy a bit more because he doesn't want me to burn out. I also told him about the chronic bad taste in my mouth and he said that he'd work on that too. We also talked about my efforts to go to bed early and he asked me if I was just being polite saying 'yes' - I told him no, its just that going to bed early has been tough for me. So, I had the treatment and to my untrained eye, he didn't put the needles in different spots and I still laid there for 45 minutes so don't ask me how he regulated my energy any differently. I felt much better and by the time I picked up Dom from work after my treatment but before we got home the bad taste in my mouth was gone and I was so thirsty I couldn't wait to get home and chug some water. Chinese magic.
I woke up on Thursday feeling tired and I noticed that my lymph node in my right armpit and right groin was swollen and sore. The one in my groin wasn't that bad, it sort of felt like a bruise but the one in my armpit was noticeably swollen and was very sore. This sort of freaked me out because my tumour is also on the right side, very close to my lymph node and we already know that the cancer has spread to that lymph node. I went to my massage on Thursday morning and my massage therapist Meagan confirmed that she could feel my lymph node in my groin was inflamed. Meagan suggested that perhaps I was fighting off something - perhaps a cold - which is the same thing Dr. Craig told me on Monday. I went home and googled a few things (always a bad idea) then called my oncologist's office. The beauty of their system is that when you call this special number, you speak to a nurse right away and if there isn't one free, one calls you back - the nurses have direct access to my oncologist Dr. Dent, so they asked me a bunch of questions then told me that they'd talk to Dr. Dent and get back to me. They called me back and said Dr. Dent would see me at 9:00 am Friday morning.
My friend Sue then came over and dropped off shepherd's pie especially for Dom and stayed for a while for a a visit. We had a great chat and then Prescott came by with his Costco sized bag of dark chocolate - delicious. I took it easy for the rest of Thursday night - still googling stuff - did I say how that's a bad idea? Dom went to jam and I headed for bed early in anticipation of my appointment. Oh and for me to try to get into the "Tran recommended bedtime" I've set my alarm on my phone to go off at 9:00 pm so that I start my bedtime ritual - bath, news watching, reading - and start to get to bed by 10:00 pm.
Friday morning we dragged ourselves out of bed to be at the hospital for 9:00 am. Despite that I went to bed early I was still tired and as luck would have it all of the swelling and soreness that I was experiencing the day before was (of course) gone. Isn't it always that way!?! Dr. Dent examined me - palpated all of my lymph nodes then said that she wasn't worried, she said that its normal for my lymph system to fluctuate and that because the tumour is basically draining into the lymph node in my armpit (I never thought of it this way but it makes sense if you read up on what the lymph system does) that its normal for it to fluctuate in size. Phew. The bonus of this was that I had a pre-chemo appointment on Tuesday after Thanksgiving and she said we could cancel it since she saw me that day. I wished her a Happy Thanksgiving and we went home.
Friday was Dom's compressed work week day off so we had planned on hanging out for the day - well we had a lazy day and did nothing but watch episodes of The Knick (if you have HBO or download shows, I highly recommend this show, its excellent). We took the dogs to the dog park and then Dom headed to his friend's birthday dinner - I wasn't feeling up to it and it was a Brazilian restaurant where it was all you can eat so it really wasn't worth me going. Perhaps Dr. Craig and Meagan were right and I was fighting something off...(that is supposed to be sarcastic). Of course they were right!
On Saturday, I woke up and was still not feeling great so I (stupidly) took two gravol - well I put myself into a gravol coma and didn't wake up until 3:00 pm, an hour before my Dad and Linda arrived for the weekend. We had a great Thanksgiving weekend - we went out for dinner with Dom's parents on Saturday night for Thai food (one of the easiest places for me to eat with my strict diet because the base of most of the sauces are coconut milk and no trace of dairy, I just can't eat the rice - boo). On Sunday my cousin Keary came by for a visit as he was in Ottawa at his in-laws for the weekend. It was great to see him and he brought a few get well cards from his kids as well as the gift from Uncle Rick and Sharon.
Okay so one of the things Keary brought was the People magazine with Joan Lunden on the front cover. Having not being a regular watcher of mainstream TV, I didn't know about her story until Sharon told me last week - anyway, if you are interested read her story - but you'll be bored because its pretty much a mirror image of my story. She had triple negative breast cancer, went on a diet of no sugar, dairy or carbs to keep her blood sugar low to stress out the cancer cells as much as possible. The only thing that is different is that she had 12 rounds of chemo each week and got blood transfusions. I'm glad I'm not her, that sounds like a lot to handle. And she did do way more than me while getting chemo - like she still did a bunch of TV interviews - although to be fair, I'm not a morning show host and haven't yet been offered the opportunity for a TV interview but if I was I'd totally do it - chemo or no chemo. Anyway me and Joan Lunden are like this now.
After Keary left we made a quick trip to the ByWard Market where Dom and I bought an area rug for our living room. It was so nice outside so we had to have a quick drink on a patio before heading home. Sunday night we went to the Pelican Grill for dinner which was delicious and the trout special was as if they made it especially for me - it was trout, quinoa, almonds, autumn vegetables and brussel sprouts. I forgot to tell the server 'no dairy' so the trout came pan fried in butter but oh well - I ate it anyway. That was my first lick of butter for about a month and a half. It was delicious, I cannot deny it and anyway it was Thanksgiving. Don't tell Joan Lunden, she'll be really disappointed.
Linda remembered to bring me the picture that Maisie had made me in the summer in anticipation of their trip to the cottage with us. Who wouldn't want this on their fridge to see everyday:
My Dad and Linda left on Monday and Dom and I had another lazy day of TV watching and hanging out. After my parents left, I was a bit bummed out - not just because they were leaving but I sort of realized that the one thing this cancer thing has done is taken away a bit of my freedom. As many of you know, Dom and I are frequently taking road trips home, to the cottage (in fact we went to the cottage three days after my first chemo session), to my sister's, my Dad's, my Mom's - all mostly to hang out with my family. Well we aren't going anywhere now until at least the new year since chemo is making me more tired, I'm a bit paranoid about germs and I have so many appointments during the week there isn't any opportunity.
We will miss Christmas with my family and we've missed my Aunt Pat's birthday party and a typical Thanksgiving would have been us driving around Southern Ontario visiting family and some close friends. Its not that I'm not having enough social time, don't get me wrong - I've had lots of visitors and offers for visits from friends out of town, and my sister is coming in two weeks (maybe some cousins too), my Mom after that, my university friends after that...its just that I'm not going anywhere - its just something that I have to get used to...I know I should be cherishing this - at least the savings we are getting on gas! But as Courtney has always described me, I'm like a butterfly and you can't cut my wings! I guess I just need to learn how to spread my wings in different ways. This is me, in my Thanksgiving wings:
On Tuesday I went to pick up my wigs - big day! I just love the wig specialist Helen - she is so great. The last time I went, I confirmed the order - one bob and one long. I tried on the wigs - confirmed that I liked them and then she set me up with wig shampoo and conditioner and gave me a tutorial on how to care for them. She also gave me shampoo and conditioner for my balding head - which is great because I was asking Dom a few weeks ago - I wonder what you use to wash your bald head? No need to wonder anymore. They have shampoo and conditioner especially for thinning hair. Helen was impressed that my hair was still hanging on - we talked about shaving it - but I said no. She agreed that it was a good idea - if there are miracles in this world and my hair doesn't completely fall out I'll be way ahead of the game with hair re-growth. So here they are:
Seriously, the second one (long one) is bang on what my hair used to look like a few months ago and the bob isn't bad - I had a bob a few years ago. I figure that the bob will come in handy in the summer when its hot.
So that's it - other than to answer my question - what are you thankful for? Well, there's a long list but here are the first things that come to mind:
My parents (all four of them), family and friends - the best and most supportive people ever (this is just a sampling).
Fat May and Lola - because they are my daily companions.
That I don't have Ebola (this is no joke) or some other disease that has way less hope of surviving like ALS - when the ALS campaign was at its highest, Courtney and I had a conversation that getting this breast cancer thing could be way worse - I could have ALS that doesn't have a lot of hope of surviving (Courtney's cousin passed away from ALS). Did you know one in nine women get breast cancer? But did you know the survival rate is in the 80% range? With those odds, I'm a betting woman.
Also, years ago when I was getting a bunch of tests done for my spinal cord problems the first suspicion was that I had MS - again another thing to be thankful for - that I don't have MS and after two successful surgeries I'm a-okay. I could compare myself to others - friends who are healthy with a few kids but what's the point? That's not my life. This is my life, so this is what I'm thankful for. I'm glad that when I found out I had breast cancer I was healthy (minus the cancer of course) and continue to be healthy, I worked at a place where I have great benefits (Dom's too) so that I don't have to pay more than $2.00 everytime I pick up my prescriptions, my wigs are covered by benefits, that I can go on sick leave with unconditional support from my managers (and not worry about money), that I have so many people supporting me, visiting, sending me text messages, emails and phone calls that never a day goes by that I feel alone. So all in all, I'm thankful for many things and you should too - no matter what life throws at you. Count your eggs in your basket, you probably have more than you think you do.
