Cancer Holidays - Weeks 31 and 32 - Cancer Guilt

Before I get to the Debbie Downer topic of the Cancer Guilt part of this blog posting I'll start it off on a happy note and give a little recap of the past two weeks. 

I continue to go to massage and acupuncture although I have reduced my massage visits to every other week. I do still go to acupuncture weekly though - mainly for the night sweats and hot flashes that I still have. In fact, over Easter and they got a lot worse which I'm sure was because I missed my weekly acupuncture visit. Its not the most pleasant treatment right now since I regularly get needles in the bottom of my feet now which is totally creepy. But its totally worth it because I think it makes a huge difference. This week Tran said that he will be prescribing me some Chinese herbs to take to help out so I'm looking forward to that (well not really because he said it tastes really bad).

On Thursday night last week, Dom went to visit his grandpa at the hospital because he was not doing very well. When I got up on Friday morning Dom told me that his grandpa died late Thursday night so it was a sad day for us - rest in peace M. Bouchard. 
 
As you all are probably aware, the hockey playoffs are on so that's been the main topic in our house the past two weeks. We went over to my friend Preety's house last weekend and watched the hockey game with Preety, Nigel, Anne and Jordan. It was a well balanced group since Preety and Dom are Habs fans (I am by default, I can't be anything else in this house) and Anne, Jordan and Nigel are Senators fans. Since Dom and Jordan are both craft beer connoisseurs there was a lot of chatting about beer as well as music. All in all, it was a great night. I must say its very different basically being a "light drinker" now. I still enjoy a glass of wine at dinner most nights but if I know I'm going out I usually save it for the social function but I stop at just the one glass - I know, I know that's weird for me. Anyway, I don't mind it which is not something that I ever thought I'd say - I'm sure Dom loves it because he's always got a DD with him so he's free to enjoy that extra growler of beer if he wants. For me, its liberating waking up the next day without that foggy feeling in my head. 

On Saturday I headed to Leanna's house to return Cooper and to also hang out with the Langille's and head to our university get together the next day at my friend Heather's place. 

As you can see, Cooper was a great addition to our house - he even joined in watching the hockey playoffs. And he was great company for me in the mornings - this is how we spent every morning.

In case you are wondering Lola isn't allowed on the furniture (I know, its not fair but those are the rules) and Fat May is too fat most times to jump up on the furniture and even if she does, she doesn't stay long. So Cooper was more than welcome to join me. Fat May is really fat - she got a haircut recently that really shows off her curves.  

Lucky for Fat May, the vet keeps careful track of her weight - she was in this past week for some vaccines and she got weighed too. They gave me a graph that shows her weight since I've had her. 

You don't really have to see the numbers clearly to get the idea that Fat May's weight has basically been on a gradual incline since I adopted her. In my defence, she's got terrible food allergies and hypo-allergenic food is typically higher in calories than regular food and it was a long, cold winter so we had few walks - but the chart doesn't lie - Fat May is the heaviest she's ever been. Because of her food allergies she gets no treats - nothing, not a drop of anything other than her kibble but obviously we've got an issue. So I'm just taking this as more motivation to stay very active and Fat May has been exercising more and has had a reduction in her food (I've always measured her food but now we've reduced it from 1/3 cup to 1/4 cup twice a day). My goal is that the next time we are at the vet's, which will be in August, that her weight has reduced at least a little bit. 

On Sunday, I went along with the Langille's to Heather's house for our get together. I have no pictures to show you but I can say that it was great to see everyone. After knowing each other for more than 15 years (its more like 19 years) its great to know that these friends are the kind where you just fall right back into step with each other. Most of us are married - and the majority have kids so when you add them all in it makes for a big group. I stayed at Leanna's place Sunday night and headed back to Ottawa on Monday - as usual I was exhausted when I got home. It seems like when I go away (so far that was only my second time leaving Ottawa in 8 months) I am totally exhausted when I get home - a reminder that my body has a lot more healing to do, I guess. Dom was home on Monday because he wasn't feeling well and the two of us pretty much spent all of last week fighting off cold/flu symptoms. 

But that didn't stop us from going to a Fury game on Wednesday last week and it was a treat because Dom's friend Jessie (who has seasons tickets beside us) won tickets at work for club seats which meant we had free food and non-alcoholic drinks. It was cool but at least it didn't rain. Here we are in our fancy seats:

Dom was off sick on and off last week fighting his cold while I thought I was healthier than him but on Saturday that proved me wrong - I woke up with a headache and upset stomach and I went back to bed after about an hour and didn't get out of bed until Sunday morning! Even as I write this I am still not right - I went to the gym today and felt good but as I was walking back to the car I started to feel bad again. I figure I am due to get sick seeing as despite chemo, surgery and radiation - all of those visits to the hospital - I didn't get sick at all this winter. So I am drinking ginger tea and taking it easy when I need to. 

On Sunday we went out for breakfast with Ann and Mike which was great - I love having breakfast out somewhere. Somehow eggs taste better when someone else makes them. Yesterday was Dom's grandpa's memorial service and even though I got up to get ready, I didn't go - I had slept terribly and could tell my flu was back so I went back to bed to wake up at 12:30 just enough time to get ready for my appointment with Dr. Beaulieu...and now we transition into the cancer part... 

Dr. Beaulieu is my surgeon and the one who told me I had cancer way back in August. She is by far my favourite doctor in this whole scenario - well tied with Dr. Craig but they are very different doctors so its hard to compare them really. Dr. B was really pleased with the way my incisions have healed and was even more impressed with how my chest has healed from radiation. You can still see burn but she said in her experience everything looks really good. We also talked about follow-up care and so I'll be getting yearly mammograms at the Monfort Hospital for the foreseeable future. Dr. B did tell me originally that mammograms are not great at detecting cancer in people my age but after you do have cancer and cancer treatment they are actually better than MRIs, CT scans, PET scans or ultrasounds since mammograms are able to detect micro-calcifications better than any of the other tests so this was new information to me. I am glad that I am getting some sort of follow-up tests plus I have to go and see my family doctor every year for a check up. I have an appointment with her already next month. I also see Dr. Dent in June and back to see Dr. Caudrelier in September so everyone is definitely keeping an eye on me which makes me feel a lot better.

This past week I had my usual bi-weekly (or is it bi-monthly?) chat with Becky and Courtney and I started talking to them about what I call Cancer Guilt - they told me after we chatted about it that I should write about it in my blog because its not something that they ever thought of and there are probably a lot of people who would like to know about it. So I don't think this guilt is specific to cancer, insert your disease/illness here and follow it with the word "guilt" - but I am sure that I am not the only one who feels this way. So, what is it you ask? Its guilt that the sick person feels because they are bringing bad news and sadness to people around them. Its hard to explain really but its the reason that most of you found out I had cancer by email or text message and why for the first few weeks that I was diagnosed it was really difficult to talk about. It was hard enough telling my parents let alone my siblings, extended family, friends and co-workers not because I was upset that I had cancer but because its really upsetting telling people bad news about yourself - because you are upsetting other people (don't even get me started about having to tell Dom). 

Now before you send me emails telling me I have nothing to feel guilty about - I know logically that I should not feel guilty about having cancer but try to put yourself in the shoes of someone who has to tell everyone they know this kind of news - see the looks on their faces, hear them cry on the phone and get those emails and text messages that say they are devastated to hear this news - and then try to imagine yourself not feeling bad about it. I think at first I felt bad about it but I didn't realize until the past month that the "bad" feeling is guilt. If you know anything about me, you know that I am straight shooter - I say what I think - and I don't often feel guilty about things of course because I'm perfect - kidding - I think because I try to live as authentic as I can. 

So its taken me a long time to figure this out. I also think this is the reason why it is hard for people in my position to accept a lot of social support and help - you already feel guilty that you've made people feel bad - and that makes it more difficult to accept help. The only reason why I didn't fall into that trap is because most of the reading that I did when I was first diagnosed emphasized a lot that you need to accept social support in a variety of ways and that this acceptance improved your chances of surviving cancer (you can't argue with that). So that's what it is, Cancer Guilt. Its not something that I can fix or something that any one of you needs to apologize for - I know that the only reason that you are upset is because you care about me. I have been lucky in some ways in that I don't really know what its like to be in your position. I haven't even had a grandparent sick (well both my grandpas died when I was very young so I don't remember) but Grandma Fink and Nanny Knight are doing fine! I'm not like all of you, I haven't had to watch someone else go through something like this so I don't know what it feels like on the other side. What I do know is that I think I am starting to figure out this mental cancer thing a bit more but its still a work in progress. I haven't started my group therapy yet but I will be sure to bring this up when I do and see what the response is. My guess is that a lot of people feel this way. I know that after going through treatment I also think about how bad I would feel if my cancer came back and part of that - a big part - is that I'd have to break the news to everyone again and in some weird way disappoint people - I know, I know, not logical but you just can't help the way you feel. 

Just to rant for a moment - Cancer Guilt and other things like what happens at the end of your treatment, the fact that doctors don't really declare you cancer free (at least not at first) are all things that people don't tell you about. There's no mention of this in the brochures that you get and no mention of it from doctors either (although I do have to admit that one oncologist that was filling in for Dr. Dent did mention the tough mental part of ending treatment but no specifics, suggestions or referrals on how to get help). This is the part of cancer treatment that seems to be largely ignored at least from where I am sitting - so if you know someone else who has cancer or is going through some other major health crisis don't just assume that since the physical treatment is over, its really over. The more and more I am thinking about things, the more I wonder if it really is ever over - that damn tiny cancer backpack again! So that's it - that's the Cancer Guilt - a popular theme I hear is Survivor's Guilt which is interesting but not something I can say that I have experienced so far...my next blog entries will have some more information on this, I'm going to do some research. I'm also going to tell you about the top ten things that I did through this whole cancer thing in case you are interested. Next entry I'll start with a few of them - think of them like Dave Letterman's Top Ten list but probably not as funny - well I'll try to make it funny.

I have no segway into this but for all of you Ottawa folks take note that Dom's band Sonic Defense is playing at a Benefit Show for Nepal Earthquake Relief at Zaphod's on Friday, May 8th - its a $10 admission, there will be other bands, silent auction, door prizes and a whole bunch of stuff so mark it on your calendars. All of the money goes towards Doctors Without Borders and the Canadian Red Cross. If you cannot make it, I hope that you can at least donate some money to a charity of your choice to help out.

And to end on a lighter note in honour of Dom and his grandpa:

Go Habs!!!!!

Cancer Holidays - Weeks 28, 29 and 30 - Treatment never really ends...I don't think

As promised, here is the second posting of the week to get caught up on the last few weeks. So let's dive right in to the cancer stuff. In my last blog post I talked about my appointment with Dr. Craig - I had two other appointments that day - one with Dr. Dent (oncologist) and the other one with the psychologists that are going to be running that group therapy study that I've signed up for. 

The appointment with the psychologists went well - well as good as can be expected as I was still feeling pretty emotional after my last treatment of radiation. They asked me to tell them my cancer story, told me about the study and then asked me a series of questions. They are good at what they do - by the time they got to the questions, they asked a few that made me cry. Not sobbing but questions about saddness and anger. I told them I was not angry - I'm not at all angry about having cancer, maybe there are some fleeting moments of frustration but that was more so when I was having chemo and I chalk that up to the drugs (they can make you very irritable, just ask Dom or my Mom) and not feeling well for such a long period of time. Anyway, then we got to a discussion about saddness which is the thing that did make me cry - mostly because they asked me if I ever thought I would be where I am now at my age. Of course the answer is no. Having cancer in your thirties sucks - huge. Its even more amplified when I go to the cancer centre and am surrounded by people that are decades older than me (emphasis on the s in that word). I used to have the fleeting moments of 'why me' but that stopped pretty quickly after my diagnosis. If you know anything about me, you'll know that I take life in strides - I don't waste time on things that I cannot change. But when you have cancer in your thirties, there is saddness from the loss of things - a year of your life, career, having kids (or spending time with your kids if you are lucky enough to already have them) and just generally being healthy. No matter what, for the rest of my life, I'll be carrying around this cancer backpack with me - always wondering if it will come back - mind you, it will be a tiny backpack that I'm sure I won't think about all of the time, but it will still be there. 

I'm not minimizing what other people go through who are older and who get cancer but for those that are older and are reading this, don't forget that 30 is the new 20. A lot of my friends are married - and a lot are not - a lot of them have kids - and a lot do not have kids yet - a lot of them are settled in their jobs and a lot of them are still looking for new experiences or changing careers. So for those of you who are getting to the end of your careers or already retired, getting cancer in your thirties is basically like getting cancer in your 20's back when you were this age. That's just my perspective. I don't know what its like to be in my 60's but I do know that by then I would have lived another 25 years from where I am today and if I could have gotten that far without getting cancer - or seriously ill in any other sort of way - I would be really grateful.

Alright now that this Debbie Downer has got all of that out of her system, lets talk about my appointment with Dr. Dent. As usual, I didn't see Dr. Dent and instead saw one of her GP's that works with her - this time it was Dr. Kehoe. If you remember way back when I was having chemo, I saw Dr. Kehoe for one of my check ups. She was the one with the tape measure who measured my tumour and joked that Dr. Dent never carries around a tape measure. I had some of the same questions for her that I asked Dr. Craig - and so here are the answers:

• Is there any issue with dyeing my hair?

 Dr. Kehoe gave me a very funny look when I asked her this question - perhaps I am the first to ask her this. The answer is no, there is no issue. The reason why I asked is because both Tran and Helen (the wig consultant) mentioned to me that they usually recommend you wait up to a year before dyeing your hair. The only reason I can figure that they recommend this is because when you've been bald and your hair grows back, your scalp can be sensitive so they don't want you irritating your skin by dyeing your hair. I don't think I'd have this problem, if you've seen me recently you'll know my hair is super thick these days. I'm still not going to dye my hair for a while though - mainly because I've got so much gray hair with it short the way it is, it will take a lot of frequent dyeing to keep it up. So for now, salt and peppa it is! 

• How long should I wait before trying to have kids? 

Dr. Kehoe seemed a bit taken aback by this question I think because she thought I was meaning that I wanted to get pregnant right away - which is not the case. I just wanted to know what they recommended was a good time to wait. So her answer first was that we have to wait and see if I can - as you may recall chemo shuts down your whole fertility system so you have to wait and see if it will start back up. And the next part of her answer she said much more gently than I am going to put it - basically that they are very hestitant encouraging any pregnancy because my cancer is very aggressive and the next three years there's a risk that it will recurr and if it does and you are pregnant when it comes back that's a tough situation to deal with. After three years the chances of recurrence drops significantly. 

• My leave from work has been approved until the end of April - is that enough time to heal from radiation?

No, Dr. Kehoe repeated what Dr. Caudrelier had told me - that radiation still works two weeks after the last treatment so my burn will be worse before it gets better and that it will take three to six weeks to heal after that (that roughly takes me to the end of May). She also pointed out that I've had an aggressive course of treatment in 8 months and only recovered just enough from chemo to have surgery, then just enough from surgery to have radiation and now I need time to really recover. Her recommendation was not to return to regular life (aka work) until July at the earliest. 


So that's it for the boring cancer stuff! As I mentioned, we were going to Ingersoll for Easter weekend which was a lof fun. I hadn't left Ottawa for 8 months so I hadn't seen many people - it was awesome to see friends and family again. Here's a few photos:

My Aunt Sandra and cousin Heather Ann and her two kids (Nuria and Jordana) came down and stayed for a few nights so we got some quality time with them which was nice. We also had some quality time with my nephews Devin and Sam. Heather Ann, being the supermom that she is, brought cookie and egg decorating kits to do with the kids. 

Good thing Heather Ann made sure that the Easter bunny knew where Nuria and Jordana were because the Easter bunny had an indoor/outdoor Easter egg hunt on the Sunday. This was by far, the highlight of the weekend.

The Easter bunny even left each of the kids their own golden eggs. Here's a video of Devin finding Sam's golden egg (the first one found during the hunt) and Sam's reaction. Priceless. Its a 6 minute video so I've cut it down a bit but I think you get the point. The Easter bunny has set a new standard with these golden eggs. 

Golden Egg


We also picked up Cooper, Leanna and Trevor's dog on the way to Ingersoll to look after him while they were in Cuba. I'm sure Cooper was really confused at first but he quickly settled in.  Cooper even joined in on singing Happy Birthdayto Grandma with us (this is Cooper's party trick - a good howl to the song Happy Birthday). 

 We headed over to my Nan's on Sunday and had Easter dinner there with her and Aunt Renee and stayed the night. It was a great way to end a great weekend. Once we got home from Easter weekend, I was exhausted. 

On Tuesday I didn't get out of my pyjamas until 4pm. In addition to just being exhausted from the weekend, I am also exhausted because I have been suffering from night sweats - which is a common side effect of radiation. In fact, I don't think I've slept this poorly through my entire treatment - which is ironic since all of my formal treatment is ended and now I am having these side effects. 

So all in all, that means that I've been taking it easy - I'm still going to the gym almost daily - I missed a few days last week because of exhaustion - and I'm still busy with appointments - acupuncture, massage and I am trying to get caught up on other appointments I've missed over the past nine months like the dentist, eye doctor etc. 

Of course, I am still out socialzing too - we went over to Krista and Bruce's for dinner last weekend, I went out for lunch with Preety and with work friends this week and I am heading to Trevor and Leanna's tomorrow to return Cooper and hang out with my university friends (I'll probably be exhausted and be in my pyjamas on Monday until 4pm again). All in all, a big part of the fatigue is due to the radiation and a small part of it is probably due to the fact that formal treatment has sort of ended and now my mind and body are resting (and trying to catch up with each other). 

I'm scheduled to see Dr. Beaulieu (surgeon) for a follow up in two weeks so I'll report back on that soon. I hope everyone is enjoying the spring (or more like summer) weather. I know I am, there's something so liberating getting to wear running shoes and not having to put on your parka to go outside!

 

Cancer Holidays - Weeks 27 and 28 - The end of formal treatment

Monday, March 31st was my last radiation treatment!!!!! 

The whole day was a bit overwhelming but I made it through. I pulled a Joan Lunden and did a little video clip right before I went in for my last treatment. Here it is (warning, its a bit of a tear jerker):

Video clip of Mel (this link is on dropbox so when you click on it if it asks you to sign in, just hit cancel and it will take you to the video).

Or click on the video below:
 

After radiation they gave me a little 'talk' about what to expect after treatment (physically I mean, not emotionally). Since there was a student (Joe) working with the group, Joe gave it a shot at giving me the talk. He did a great job - covered all of the bases and answered all of my questions. So here are the highlights - radiation continues to work for about 2 weeks after you are done treatment (which is right about now as I am writing this). So that means that the burn actually continues to get worse for the two weeks rather than better (I can confirm this as today is exactly two weeks and I've only noticed an improvement in the last few days). The side effect of fatigue also continues to get worse - I can attest to this as well, I've been pretty exhausted the past two weeks. Also, it can take anywhere from 3 to 6 weeks to fully heal. I can see how this is possible. Think of getting a sunburn in your armpit and then instead of not going out in the sun again until it heals, you keep going out sunbathing with your arms above your head for the next few weeks. Ouch. So all in all I don't expect to be fully healed from radiation until the end of May. That seems like a long time doesn't it?

As I said in my video, I gave my radiation techs some thank you presents - two CD's to add to their radiation library as well as some Easter candy and a thank you card that was a picture of Dom and I in the summer when I had my old hair. I included a picture because I figured they must see a lot of their patients as bald, with short hair or with wigs and so I thought that it would be nice to see what at least one of their patients looked like before the requisite chemo hair loss. There was a bell to ring after my treatment but I didn't really want to - mainly because radiation was such a breeze compared to chemo, plus it was a pretty emotional day and I teared up saying goodbye to Lyann one of the radiation techs and I didn't want to break down in the middle of the radiation treatment centre. 

When I say emotional, I don't mean sad - its just an overwhelming feeling to end the formal part of my cancer treatment - remember way back in August I met Dr. Dent on August 28th (two weeks after I found out I had cancer) and started chemo the very next day. That sort of timeline doesn't give one much time to process and grieve a cancer diagnosis. I've also figured out that you don't think much about that stuff when you physically don't feel well - having chemo every two weeks, then surgery a month later, then radiation a month after that doesn't give a lot of time to sit back and reflect on what is going on. In fact, it basically gives you no time to do so. And when you are thinking about how crappy you feel with chemo, dealing with a drain after surgery (barf), cording, healing and getting a burn with radiation its a distraction from the processing, grieving and just generally getting your head wrapped around the fact that you actually have cancer. 

Despite this, there is of course a huge reason to celebrate - so that's what we did on Monday night. After Dom's detailed nacho investigation we settled on Sir John A's for nachos with Dom's parents. Need I say more. 

The gift bag in the background are pearl earrings that Dom's parents gave me - I love the fact that I am still getting cancer presents. Awesome. 

The very next day I had an appointment with Dr. Craig (naturopath) as well as with Dr. Dent (aspergers) and an interview for the group therapy study that I am enrolled in. My appointment with Dr. Craig was great as usual - we had a lot to chat about as I hadn't met with him since just before radiation started. Dr. Craig asked me how I was feeling about ending treatment and I told him that as my radiation treatments were coming to an end my anxiety was increasing. Dr. Craig told me that the majority of his patients find that the end of their treatment just as - or in some cases more - stressful as in the beginning when you first find out you have cancer. This made me feel better that I'm not the only one who feels like this. Dr. Craig called it Stockholm syndrome and I think he's bang on with this analogy. Its not that I want to still have cancer, its that I don't want to stop being a patient or stop going to the Cancer Centre - I know, it sounds crazy. So, I had a list of questions for good ole Dr. Craig and so I figure its easiest if I do sort of a Q and A of all the questions I asked him (Disclaimer - these are answers for me - if you have questions, you should ask your own medical practioner):

• Why is it not recommended that people take a multivitamin for cancer prevention? 

There's no evidence to show that a multivitamin prevents cancer in any way. In fact in some cases, people take multivitamins as bandaids instead of eating a diet that's varied and full of vegetables. The bandaid technique does not help with cancer prevention. There are also some cases where people should not take multivitamins - for example people who smoke and take a multivitamin with vitamin A may actually increase their risk for lung cancer - Note from Mel: check this out if you are interested in reading more on this Vitamin A and smoking

• I just read an article about a woman who used cannabis oil to treat her triple negative breast cancer, do you know anything about this? 

No, but I've had a lot of people ask me about this in the recent past. Note from Mel: I sent Dr. Craig the article. If you are interested, here it is: Triple negative breast cancer and oil

• I just finished reading the book Wheat Belly - is there any need to cut out all wheat from my diet? What about spelt?

If you do not have any issue with eating wheat, there is no reason to eliminate that grain or any other grain from your diet. A lot of gluten free food is not healthy as it has added sugar and fat to make up for the lack of gluten. A diet that's rich in vegetables and has small amounts of grains is fine.  

Note from Mel: If you read this book, my advice is to take everything with a grain of salt - make that a handful of salt - the author is very evangelistic against wheat and its a bit over the top. The message I took from this book is that overall, we just eat way too many carbs in our diet these days. 

• I've read a lot about erythritol as a sweetener. What is it? Should I use it instead of sugar? 

Erythritol is a sugar alcohol and its actually sort of hard to find and in some people cause digestive upset. The best thing to use is honey or some other natural sweetener. 

• I was reading that they don't really give breast cancer patients PET scans or CT scans after treatment to see if there are any stray cancer cells because the test results are usually inconclusive or outright incorrect. Are there any tests that they can run to see if I am really 'cancer free'? Do the doctors ever declare you 'cancer free'?

No, there is no way to tell if there are any stray cancer cells anywhere unless you start having symptoms somewhere else. Doctors don't usually like to declare people cancer free right after treatment because they don't really know if you are.

• Why is it that being pregnant and breast feeding reduces your breast cancer risk?

It isn't until after pregnancy and breast feeding do breast cells actually mature. When cells are mature, they are less likely to be susceptible to cancer. 

• If I want to get pregnant, how long should I wait to get pregnant? 

That's a question for your oncologist, usually it is about 6 months to a year after treatment. 

• Are there any restrictions to colouring my hair? 

I never get involved with dyeing woman's hair or make up but ask your oncologist.

So that's about it for my appointment with Dr. Craig - I did also ask him whether the OICC has a mentorship program for people who have gone through the whole cancer process to provide support for others who are just starting. Apparently the OICC is just starting at looking a some sort of program so I've contacted the person at the OICC who is overseeing this initiative to see if I can get involved. 

I am going to end there and will write another entry hopefully by the end of the week where I'll go over my appointment with Dr. Dent, my meeting about my group therapy study that I'm enrolled in and a lot of other fun stuff - so stay tuned!!

Also if any of you are interested in tracking what you eat to give you an idea of what your own nutrition is like, I recommend this app - I just downloaded it the other day and its amazing to see that I am in a deficit when it comes to eating enough vegetables and fruit (note the emphasis should be on vegetables, rather than fruit for your 7 servings a day). Also its amazing to see how many carbs (grains) you consume in a day. I'm still sticking really close to my no carb, no sugar diet so I'm only about 2 to 3 servings per day but that is still surprising to me! 

Here's the app - plus if you sign up, they'll donate money to a few different charities. I of course chose the cancer one. 

Get enough app