Cancer Holidays - Weeks 28, 29 and 30 - Treatment never really ends...I don't think

As promised, here is the second posting of the week to get caught up on the last few weeks. So let's dive right in to the cancer stuff. In my last blog post I talked about my appointment with Dr. Craig - I had two other appointments that day - one with Dr. Dent (oncologist) and the other one with the psychologists that are going to be running that group therapy study that I've signed up for. 

The appointment with the psychologists went well - well as good as can be expected as I was still feeling pretty emotional after my last treatment of radiation. They asked me to tell them my cancer story, told me about the study and then asked me a series of questions. They are good at what they do - by the time they got to the questions, they asked a few that made me cry. Not sobbing but questions about saddness and anger. I told them I was not angry - I'm not at all angry about having cancer, maybe there are some fleeting moments of frustration but that was more so when I was having chemo and I chalk that up to the drugs (they can make you very irritable, just ask Dom or my Mom) and not feeling well for such a long period of time. Anyway, then we got to a discussion about saddness which is the thing that did make me cry - mostly because they asked me if I ever thought I would be where I am now at my age. Of course the answer is no. Having cancer in your thirties sucks - huge. Its even more amplified when I go to the cancer centre and am surrounded by people that are decades older than me (emphasis on the s in that word). I used to have the fleeting moments of 'why me' but that stopped pretty quickly after my diagnosis. If you know anything about me, you'll know that I take life in strides - I don't waste time on things that I cannot change. But when you have cancer in your thirties, there is saddness from the loss of things - a year of your life, career, having kids (or spending time with your kids if you are lucky enough to already have them) and just generally being healthy. No matter what, for the rest of my life, I'll be carrying around this cancer backpack with me - always wondering if it will come back - mind you, it will be a tiny backpack that I'm sure I won't think about all of the time, but it will still be there. 

I'm not minimizing what other people go through who are older and who get cancer but for those that are older and are reading this, don't forget that 30 is the new 20. A lot of my friends are married - and a lot are not - a lot of them have kids - and a lot do not have kids yet - a lot of them are settled in their jobs and a lot of them are still looking for new experiences or changing careers. So for those of you who are getting to the end of your careers or already retired, getting cancer in your thirties is basically like getting cancer in your 20's back when you were this age. That's just my perspective. I don't know what its like to be in my 60's but I do know that by then I would have lived another 25 years from where I am today and if I could have gotten that far without getting cancer - or seriously ill in any other sort of way - I would be really grateful.

Alright now that this Debbie Downer has got all of that out of her system, lets talk about my appointment with Dr. Dent. As usual, I didn't see Dr. Dent and instead saw one of her GP's that works with her - this time it was Dr. Kehoe. If you remember way back when I was having chemo, I saw Dr. Kehoe for one of my check ups. She was the one with the tape measure who measured my tumour and joked that Dr. Dent never carries around a tape measure. I had some of the same questions for her that I asked Dr. Craig - and so here are the answers:

• Is there any issue with dyeing my hair?

 Dr. Kehoe gave me a very funny look when I asked her this question - perhaps I am the first to ask her this. The answer is no, there is no issue. The reason why I asked is because both Tran and Helen (the wig consultant) mentioned to me that they usually recommend you wait up to a year before dyeing your hair. The only reason I can figure that they recommend this is because when you've been bald and your hair grows back, your scalp can be sensitive so they don't want you irritating your skin by dyeing your hair. I don't think I'd have this problem, if you've seen me recently you'll know my hair is super thick these days. I'm still not going to dye my hair for a while though - mainly because I've got so much gray hair with it short the way it is, it will take a lot of frequent dyeing to keep it up. So for now, salt and peppa it is! 

• How long should I wait before trying to have kids? 

Dr. Kehoe seemed a bit taken aback by this question I think because she thought I was meaning that I wanted to get pregnant right away - which is not the case. I just wanted to know what they recommended was a good time to wait. So her answer first was that we have to wait and see if I can - as you may recall chemo shuts down your whole fertility system so you have to wait and see if it will start back up. And the next part of her answer she said much more gently than I am going to put it - basically that they are very hestitant encouraging any pregnancy because my cancer is very aggressive and the next three years there's a risk that it will recurr and if it does and you are pregnant when it comes back that's a tough situation to deal with. After three years the chances of recurrence drops significantly. 

• My leave from work has been approved until the end of April - is that enough time to heal from radiation?

No, Dr. Kehoe repeated what Dr. Caudrelier had told me - that radiation still works two weeks after the last treatment so my burn will be worse before it gets better and that it will take three to six weeks to heal after that (that roughly takes me to the end of May). She also pointed out that I've had an aggressive course of treatment in 8 months and only recovered just enough from chemo to have surgery, then just enough from surgery to have radiation and now I need time to really recover. Her recommendation was not to return to regular life (aka work) until July at the earliest. 


So that's it for the boring cancer stuff! As I mentioned, we were going to Ingersoll for Easter weekend which was a lof fun. I hadn't left Ottawa for 8 months so I hadn't seen many people - it was awesome to see friends and family again. Here's a few photos:

My Aunt Sandra and cousin Heather Ann and her two kids (Nuria and Jordana) came down and stayed for a few nights so we got some quality time with them which was nice. We also had some quality time with my nephews Devin and Sam. Heather Ann, being the supermom that she is, brought cookie and egg decorating kits to do with the kids. 

Good thing Heather Ann made sure that the Easter bunny knew where Nuria and Jordana were because the Easter bunny had an indoor/outdoor Easter egg hunt on the Sunday. This was by far, the highlight of the weekend.

The Easter bunny even left each of the kids their own golden eggs. Here's a video of Devin finding Sam's golden egg (the first one found during the hunt) and Sam's reaction. Priceless. Its a 6 minute video so I've cut it down a bit but I think you get the point. The Easter bunny has set a new standard with these golden eggs. 

Golden Egg


We also picked up Cooper, Leanna and Trevor's dog on the way to Ingersoll to look after him while they were in Cuba. I'm sure Cooper was really confused at first but he quickly settled in.  Cooper even joined in on singing Happy Birthdayto Grandma with us (this is Cooper's party trick - a good howl to the song Happy Birthday). 

 We headed over to my Nan's on Sunday and had Easter dinner there with her and Aunt Renee and stayed the night. It was a great way to end a great weekend. Once we got home from Easter weekend, I was exhausted. 

On Tuesday I didn't get out of my pyjamas until 4pm. In addition to just being exhausted from the weekend, I am also exhausted because I have been suffering from night sweats - which is a common side effect of radiation. In fact, I don't think I've slept this poorly through my entire treatment - which is ironic since all of my formal treatment is ended and now I am having these side effects. 

So all in all, that means that I've been taking it easy - I'm still going to the gym almost daily - I missed a few days last week because of exhaustion - and I'm still busy with appointments - acupuncture, massage and I am trying to get caught up on other appointments I've missed over the past nine months like the dentist, eye doctor etc. 

Of course, I am still out socialzing too - we went over to Krista and Bruce's for dinner last weekend, I went out for lunch with Preety and with work friends this week and I am heading to Trevor and Leanna's tomorrow to return Cooper and hang out with my university friends (I'll probably be exhausted and be in my pyjamas on Monday until 4pm again). All in all, a big part of the fatigue is due to the radiation and a small part of it is probably due to the fact that formal treatment has sort of ended and now my mind and body are resting (and trying to catch up with each other). 

I'm scheduled to see Dr. Beaulieu (surgeon) for a follow up in two weeks so I'll report back on that soon. I hope everyone is enjoying the spring (or more like summer) weather. I know I am, there's something so liberating getting to wear running shoes and not having to put on your parka to go outside!